MENU IS AS FOLLOWS!!
 
Starter - Sour Grapes
 
Main Course - Plaice (probably fifth but most likely fourth)
 
Pudding - Selection from Kuyt, Ngog, Lucas, Dossena or Degan

                                        

 
RULES FOR THE EVENING!!
 
Drinks will be available but there's strictly NO doubles, trebles and NO Carling Premier!!!
 
There will also be a selection of wines served by some fat Spanish bloke with a dodgy beard.
 
Please note that dress code is strictly "late 80's" to celebrate our last league title.
 
All drinks will be served in plastic glasses as cups are not on the agenda this season.
 
For entertainment on the night, Rafa Benitez will be doing his party trick of making £200 million disappear into thin air with *** all to show for it.

Written by Darren Moore, the wise crackin football fan of the Goalmouth Scramble